Jazz is a capricious mistress. Her and that piece of worm-ridden modal filth that Miles Davis came up with. They're conspiring to frustrate me, I swear it.

adam

We dont need no education.
We dont need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teacher, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all its just another brick in the wall.
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.

-Pink Floyd

So i went to the room today cos Yvonne told me they're having practice. And i sat there and I almost reached for my phone to call everyone and get them to hurry up and practice.

It hit me then. I miss my job. Goddamn i hated a lot of it but now it's gone (and i don't like to admit this) I miss it a lot. It's like a phantom limb now I don't have it anymore sometimes I reflexively go through the motions, like standing around worrying my ass off that some particular band CMI oh no oh no what am I going to do the gig is on saturday!

It's not my business anymore. I mean, the standard of the jazz club will always be my business. But now i'm only going to be teaching. It's up to Royce to organise the where and the when and the what. I suspect i'm not such a good teacher as I think but i'll learn, also.

Shit.

adam

So it's over. I guess for most people it could be hard to fathom how important the club is without actually having been in it and kind of smelled the air during a jam session. Or without mark's constant nagging that really impressed his vision onto me, and it's also a difficult one to see without having been there.

So many regrets but if there's one thing jazz has taught me it's that the only difficult decision is the one you're making now because it's the only one you control. Your past could be a fiction and your future could be a daydream but what happens now is yours and it's real and it's in some ways the only thing you can count on. So hey, i'll move on from my mistakes; it's been fun.

I'd like to say a big thank you to my wonderful EXCO who did all the work while I was daydreaming:

Huang for being the oft-needed voice of reason and supporting my crazed post-bop tendencies. Also for being the only other guy in the EXCO.
Xiumin for covering up for my utter administrative incompetence and for being an absolutely swinging pianist.
Clara for being the hardest-working secretary EVER and making sure everything ran smoothly (albeit is smoothly as jazz will ever get)
Chermaine for being a ball of sunshine despite pretending to be angsty (rubbish!). Especially when I needed the smiles.
Sara for being there for me to talk to when things got difficult, and for putting up with my nonsense.

It may be over, but it sure as hell isn't OVER. Alumni here I come!

adam

Bought 2 albums today. John Coltrane's A Love Supreme and Herbie Hancock's Head Hunters.
A Love Supreme is concentrated post-bop awesomeness. Massive awesomeness.
Head Hunters is funk before it got stupid. Fantastic stuff.

It's tomorrow grrrrrrrhhhh. Then it'll be finally over and I guess i'll have to get to studying which I really don't want to do but oh well A levels loom there isn't much choice I guess. I want it to last forever but I'm only getting one more night. I'll make the most of it.

Life is not measured in durations but in moments.

adam

It'll be over in 3 days. Nothing in the world has made me feel so out of my depth like the chairmanship. Sometimes I'm so afraid of letting people down that I can't do anything but lie down somewhere and cry. At the end of it I hope I've done an OK job - it's been fun but I'll be glad when it's over.

adam

EAT MY DUST PW