I've realised what's different now from the last 18 years of my life - I've never been this alone. Every day of my life was always begun to the promise of going to school and meeting classmates who for all that they annoyed me, were genuinely interesting people (for the most part). We had to spend all our time together, for better or for worse. Now there's no such assurance.

On the MRT today I was struck by how I've navigated my own course for now, and nobody's following me through it - no classmates, CCA mates, church friends. Just me. There are moments of fleeting contact - running into friends on the bus. After hours jam sessions. Going back to RJ to teach the juniors. But it's not the same - I'm aware that my life momentarily occupies the same space as someone else's, and will inevitably lead me back to other places.

Being me, I enjoy the solitude but I'm also a little lonely.

adam

I guess I should update.

It's been a wild week. It started on thursday with dance classes and social dancing at 9. That was fun, even if I can't exactly dance properly. Friday was SEA jam. I took a beginner's class taught by Frankie Manning himself, which was pretty enlightening. Other than that, my lack of experience kind of prevented me from dancing a hell lot so I got out after that. Shall go next year and murder my legs.

Saturday was Kelly's party. THAT was wild. We all got drunk (except hyqel.) and spent a few hours malingering in a park. People are -very- funny when high.

Sunday was teaching Cathechism class with the LoGgers O.o that was also wild in a different sort of way. P4 kids are no joke. Justin Sim, you are a brave brave man. Later on I went to southbridge in a sort of fatigued haze. I believe I played a total train wrecked 'Milestones' and then I called 'That's All' which went rather well. The mojito definitely contributed to my guitar histrionics.

Yesterday was the Ben n Jerry's audition. That sucked. I think we played pretty alright but evidently they were looking for more of a pop band so I think i'm giving up on that gig.

Today I am unbelievably exhausted and a little emotionally drained. Okay, very emotionally drained. I think I'll stay home.

adam

It really does look like I'm finally growing up. This is disturbing. This is unsettling. I can suddenly empathise with sufferers of teenage angst. I mean, make what fun you will of teenagers, but this is a fucking nasty time to be alive.

All you army boys complain that your brains are rotting in camp. Well guess what it isn't really that different here in Real Life. Since most of my schoolmates are either (you guessed it) in camp or at work for the girls, there really isn't anyone to talk to most of the time. I guess I do get moments here and then when people are free but that is pretty much the extent of it.

I think I'll have to get used to this. Face it, bringing together interesting people was just about the only thing school had going for it and now that it's out I'm floundering a little.

Blog games

Grabbed off cher's blog. Sorry cher.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Media Player, iPod)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool!

Opening Credits : Fall to Pieces by Velvet Revolver - oddly appropriate.

Every time I'm falling down
All alone I fall to pieces

Waking Up : I am the Walrus by the Beatles - What the hell.

I am the egg-man. They are the egg-men. I am the walrus.

First Day of School : Build God, Then We'll Talk by Panic! at the disco - hmm. no comment.

Falling in Love: Summer Rain by Hiromi - also no comment. I realise around this point that my library doesn't have a lot of vocals.

Fight Song: Another Kind of Green by John Mayer -

I didn't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you.

Breaking Up: Satin Doll by Ella Fitzgerald - not quite.

She's nobody's fool so I'm playing it cool as can be.
I'll give it a whirl but I ain't for no girl catching me

Prom: When We Were Free by Pat Metheny Group - haha.

Life: You Got No Right by Velvet Revolver - one of the few on my playlist that I've never listened to before O.o is that trying to say something about the state of my life?

Mental Breakdown: Telegraph Road by Dire Straits - wonderful song, scores just about nothing for appropriateness. It's about a road.

There's six lanes of traffic
Three lanes moving slow

Flashback: Theme from frasier. Hey baby I hear the blues are calling...

Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.

Wedding: Danse Macabre. Holy Crap.

Birth of Child: Four by Miles Davis. NO. NONONONONONONONONO.

Death Scene: Battle Hymn by Manowar. No comment.

Funeral Song: Headless by Joe Satriani. -.-

Ending Credits: Big Machine by Velvet Revolver. WHY do i keep getting them? I don't even particularly like them or have a huge lot of their music.

adam

Blu Jazz

I went to the Blu Jazz restaurant/bar twice in the last two weeks to play with the band. Aya Sekine is an amazing musician. The night I played she had in two guests who she happened to know - Joshua Wan on bass and someone else on drums i can't quite recall. What amazed me was that they didn't gig regularly together, but on stage they were so together it was almost telepathic. This is really creepy territory. I'm not talking about simply playing on time or stuff like that. Interpretation-wise, that band is able to turn on a dime. They can jump from a flying crescendo to pin-drop silence in the space of a bar, and it's entirely improvised. They just communicate somehow. Anyway that put enough of the righteous fear in me that i gave up comping and just quietly took my solo. Aya said she liked it (woot) and asked me to come back (woot.).

Came back the week after and discovered that there was a guest band i.e. Aya wasn't there. So I asked the guest band (michael stenton) whether I could play - well actually i mentioned that I played guitar a bit and Michael invited me on stage. That was scary. Luckily I called familiar stuff - a blues shuffle and then someone called Black Orpheus. Not a terribly difficult tune, I could've handled the changes probably, but Michael told me he'd give me the outtro. 3 minutes of A minor. That is a freaking dream come true for someone who's spent the last two years playing So What (7.5 minutes of D minor and 2.5 minutes of Eb minor) and the rest of the modal jazz standards. So it was good. I'm fairly happy about that.

Then of course got dragged to Xun's place and got smashed. I'm not happy about that, but that's another story for another day. God, I sound like Ringo Starr.

adam

There was probably a point sometime around last year where i stopped being a writer and I started being a musician. And then I realised with not a little surprise that it was the same thing. The only thing which keeps me going at all this is that spark of wonder that wakes me up in the morning whispering 'Inexplicably, I am alive. I don't know why. But is it not beautiful?' It is beautiful, oh it is beautiful.

Inexplicably we are alive. Somehow we fumble our way through the recesses of this world, clueless as to where we came from. We cling to each other, quite afraid. The highest faculty we possess is empathy (Phillip K. Dick got this one right) - the ability to recognise that same wonder and fear in another person.

Inexplicably we are alive. Consciousness is a nested existential crisis. I have no reason to exist. If i did not exist, I would not be wondering why I exist. I respond with fear. I respond with wonder. The world has no explanation. It is wild and beautiful.

Inexplicably we are alive. Individuality is the only undisputable fact and the only insoluble mystery. Is a person more than the sum of his parts? I am proud of myself because I exist. I have no reason to exist. I have no reason to be proud except my individuality. I am separate from you, I am sovereign. You are sovereign; you are my brother.

Experience is sacred. Art is the worship of experience.

adam

Imagine

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say I'm
a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is totally the atheist anthem O.o

But it made me ask myself the question Am I an Atheist? Because religion has slowly been dropping out of my life. I mean, i still go to church on sundays but that's the extent of it.
But no, i'm not an atheist. I mean, atheism is sexy and all (very sexy. just ask dr. house) but I don't think we can be that sure.

adam

I've always hated Dave Weckl.

Around 5 minutes ago I thought to myself that I may be being just a little prejudiced and decided to consult the almighty youtube about giving him another chance. I regretted that almost instantly. His cover of Jaco's 'The Chicken' is one of the truly awful things in this world - yes, right up there with income tax and trombones.

Good lord. He has no ideas. He plays fairly conventional fills except with blindingly fast technique - alright, I'll grant that he's a master technician - but nothing new. He's not bad but just strikingly unmusical for all the hype he gets. The kicker came at the end of the tune when they were waiting on the last note of the signature riff that ends the song - he takes 10 seconds to do a long drum solo almost as if saying 'wait a minute - stop! the song can't end yet, I haven't finished jacking off!' It adds nothing to the song except to make a cheesy ending worse. It's Jaco. It demands ideas, attitude. Yes the 'busy' sound does work but not when everyone at once is trying to sound like a one-man band. When you add those up you don't get a three-man band, you get three one-man bands which sounds less like music than like group sex.

This is what is wrong with fusion. Just to check if my ears were working right - I went back and listened to weather report again - predictable high. I'm alright. Dave Weckl DOES suck - all is right with the world. But not yet - I haven't finished bitching. What is even worse is the parade of music snobs that fusion spawned in the 70s and haven't quite finished dying out yet - the worst bunch since the Nazis decided they liked Wagner. People who turn up their noses to rock and pop music and worship their gods of stick technique, claiming that any detractors have 'no ear for music' and cannot appreciate the intellectual intricacies of their heroes. Yes my friends, the only way Dave Weckl and his ilk can obscure the fact that they have no ideas is to hide behind their enormous drumsets (seriously. Think NASA.) and their shredding and jerking off behind so-called funk beats. Complexity does not belie content.

In the end, music (leaving out John Cage for now) is about experience and emotion. It made the great musicians like Miles Davis (who, incidentally, was a big fan of pop music). Heck, jazz was originally a popular music and most of our standards today are reworked pop tunes from the 20s and 30s. I think fusion as played by Mike Stern and Dave Weckl needs to die out quickly, and those people need to grow up and put their serious chops to better use.

EDIT: As a note of comparison, check out Jaco's own recording of The Chicken here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwhkPSEXs1Q
That is a real drummer, and THAT is a real drum solo. He has so much wit - I actually laughed out loud during the first bars of his solo.

adam

John Mayer, when he's not having one of his Moments, is a god-awful songwriter. One wishes he'd put up a more consistent performance on Continuum. For what it's worth, the album sounds good, he's a very good guitarist, and the occasionally poignant song such as 'Stop this Train' or 'Vultures' makes it worth the while. The much hyped radio hit 'Waiting on the world to change' is bullshit. Sure he hit on a couple of nice hooky little riffs but the songwriting is so appalling I don't think i'll ever reconcile myself with the song.

Make no mistake, however; I genuinely enjoyed this album. John Mayer has some way to go, but I really hope he makes it.

adam

New Years

I don't want to do this, really I don't... but i guess come end of the year you really have to sit down with yourself and take stock.

Who am I kidding. It's 3.50 am, I'm remarkably sober and i'm bored.

2007 was awesome in many ways. (Rayner I don't know how you did this in chapters)

Jazz club has been one of the most fulfilling things i've ever done. I guess there's little of the warm fuzzy feeling in retrospect; we weren't that sort of people, and we weren't out to do great romantic things. We learned, we gigged, and we dealt in our own way with the harsh reality that musicians are the most bumfucked people on the planet. I guess that's what counts - I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

For the most part, I developed a little bit of 'musical maturity' this year i.e. sharpened my prejudices and finally figured out what i like. Learning jazz has taught me how to learn - I had to pick that up again after so many years of being spoon fed. I'm glad for it, even if I do grow up to be completely worthless. Jazz itself is a wonderful metaphor for life - you take each moment as it is; letting go of the past and heedless of the future. We need more of that. I need more of that.

This year has also been about people. I love people (even if I never ever let this fact on). Doing stuff has brought me near to so many interesting characters I couldn't possibly list them all down.

Sophie : I don't know what to say. You bewilder me. Whatever happens, it's been wonderful. You've forced me to grow up, in some ways. In other ways I'll probably be around 5 years old for the rest of my life, and you'll have to live with those. I've never met someone so... heedless and immediate. I need that. I also wonder what on earth you see in me.

Rayner : I guess I keep you around so i seem intelligent by comparison. I also don't think i really need to type much here. I respect you much more than I let on. Keep smiling, cos life's a laugh and death's a joke.

The Manly Men : T, Xun, D, Wang. It's time for Wangernum! No lol. Despite the fact that you only act macho because you're secretly insecure about the size of your genitals, i love you guys. Thanks for keeping me from sinking into the depths of antisocialness. T:I know you hate to hear me whine and bitch. Thanks for doing it anyway. Xun: Your advice is useless, but i take it anyway because i know that what you really want me to do is do something instead of sitting around and worrying like I usually do. D: Thanks for being around when I needed normal (read:geek) activity. Doing inane stuff is important when you're religiously avoiding deeper issues. Wang: Despite what i say sometimes, you are actually a funny guy, and even funnier when i'm slightly drunk.

Jazz cats : I can't believe I just typed that. So fucking gay. Hyqel, Xiumin, Clara, Kelly, Vivek, Boyle, Huang. Mark and Debbo too, and the juniors. No mushy feelings here. We had loads of fun , partly because we are all so unbelievably inept, but also because we were willing to try something new, even if it meant we inevitably got sexually harrassed by drunk people because we could only pull seedy gigs. I can respect that. Don't ever stop.

07S03N: I got lucky when I was dropped into this class. I have not been able to say that for 6 years. These people are so amazing and vibrant and full of laughter and life, it'll almost be a pity when half of them grow up to be mediocre middle-class white collar workers. I guess you can't have it forever. I'm glad I knew you when you did.

Church: I'm sorry for drifting. So much has happened and I've realised so much about myself that a huge chunk of my faith suddenly no longer applies. I never had anything against any of you, so keep up what you do and never give up.

That's all i can think of for now. More later maybe. Or never.

adam

My last word for 2007: A quote from monty python.

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

Hmm. I actually do like John Cage's work. A lot.

It begins when you stop viewing music as an object defined by notes and spaces but as what he calls a 'process' ... dunno, very difficult to explain but I intuitively got it when I heard one of his pieces. Can't remember what it was called, something with random electronic noise mixed with an opera singer.

adam

Merry Christmas

So comes it a few days late. Merry Christmas, everyone. And especially to those i might never see again.

adam

art ensemble of chicago

Just heard their stuff for the first time at the Esplanade Library when i picked up a copy of Fanfare for the Warriors. I am very intrigued by this band. Their approach to the avant-garde is very different from Coleman's and Coltrane's.

Take example: Their cover of Thelonious Monk's 'Round Midnight' - 5 minutes of blips and squeaks and bells interspersed with long periods of silence. I believe it's Lester Bowie who occasionally interjects with some wonderful trumpet lines. The music is peaceful and somehow troubling. What surprised me is how easily i reacted to it : this is not noise. This is unequivocably music. When finally they segue into the theme of 'Round Midnight' it is with infinite grace - it sounds like a simple continuation of the previous few minutes. They treat the theme with the expected looseness and collectivity, but it is rousing.

Worth checking out.

adam

Drinks mixing

My awesome uncle Chris taught me a little about drinks mixing. I've been experimenting. Today:

1. Gin (just gin).
Preparation : Poured some vermouth into a glass with ice and stirred, then strained out the vermouth to coat the glass. Put a shot of gin in, stirred and strained into a cocktail glass.

Tastes a little better than just neat gin. Maybe a little more vermouth next time.

2. Gimlet
Preparation: made some sugar syrup : 2 parts brown sugar, 1 part water, heat until dissolves.
1 part sugar syrup, 1 part lime juice, 4 parts gin.

Tastes pretty awesome!

adam

hmm. i'm a little tipsy now. Not very high alcohol tolerance. But I noticed that my typing is always the last to go. Makes for interesting statements like 'Oh my word i'm a little drunk now. Maybe I shouldn't have had that last drink...'

Need to talk

Exhaustion, exhilaration, burned nerves, the smell of smoke, morning, evening, a dusky scent at the top of your sinuses, hangovers, dry headache, wet bar, cold nights, warm mornings, jacket, pullover, sun, damp, cobblestones.

Motion sickness. Trains at night. Sleeping at 250 km/h. Blankets and jackets. Moist sunlight. Hotel. Toilet. Headache. Backache. Heartache. Tired. Lively. Frosty lungs. Feet on heater. Window.
Taken enough and too little. Excited and burned out. Drunk and hung over. Enough is enough. I want more. Give me your hand. Put it in your pocket. Combien ca coute. C'est bon. Lying on the floor. Hopeful.

One more year. One more month. Too little time. Too much history. Two days in Spain. Eternity. Feather of a sparrow. Train track. Timetable.

Waiting.

EDIT: I just found out about this. Joe Zawinul passed away on the 11th of September, 2007. RIP. I guess this review comes at an interesting time.

Weather Report -
Night Passage

A bit like sex, but without all the bad bits. Yep.

The entire album is almost uniformly strong, with highlights like Jaco's solo on 'Port of Entry' (and also the last bit where everyone comes in at about 300 bpm - cheering totally justified. I danced.)
Acrobatic, danceable, yet resolutely intelligent all the same. I might go as far as to say this may even top Heavy Weather.

Highlights.

1. 3 views of a secret - interesting when compared to Jaco's big band rendition - much more intimate, Wayne Shorter does wonderful things with the melody that just don't sound the same on the harmonica in the big band version. Zawinul has a trademark cascading solo near the end - reminiscent of 'A remark you made' and brilliant considering the difficulty of Jaco's chords.

2. Port of Entry - wonderfully off-kilter, immensely funky but all the band members put in that little bit of confusion to mix things up. Crazy solo by Jaco. All of their music has an emotional logic which triumphed over a lot of the rampant fusion-y nonsense that was prevalent at the time. No chords for the sake of chords.

3. Shorter solo on 'Fast City'. It's like the Miles Davis quintet all over again. Shorter displays that he's lost none of his mojo in playing fusion. Weather Report proves also that they can swing if they want to, critics be damned.

4. Rockin' in Rhythm - a Duke Ellington cover completely electrified. Utterly shocking, but also incredibly fun O.O. Zawinul's synth clarinet a la Benny Goodman is hilarious.

-Adam

Ok I was wrong about Radiohead. In Rainbows kind of grew on me... parts of it. What originally annoyed me was their apparent lack of any sort of harmonic direction. Unsatisfying chord progressions and all. Later I kind of realised that their genius is their mastery of texture rather than harmony. The harmony is still annoying - but the songs as a whole are impactful, atmospheric without becoming too ambient.

adam

EDIT: It's available for download on their website I believe, and you can pay as much as you want! Go check it out today. Every cent you pay goes to Radiohead, not some evil record company.

Radiohead. What do I say about Radiohead? I can't tell if i like them or not - they have a couple of good songs, to be sure. Mostly, the issue is that the rest of my life will follow the following cycle:
1. Buys/downloads a Radiohead album
2. Doesn't get it. Puts it away for a month.
3. Revisits it.
4. Doesn't get it.

You know, I get Ornette Coleman. I get late John Coltrane. I even get Albert Ayler on my good days. But Radiohead? No fucking way.

adam

It's over. Exuberance knows no words.

Have some new radicals :

You Only Get What You Give

Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age fourteen, they got you down on your knees
So polite, we're busy still saying please
Frienemies
Who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their mercedes benz
First we run, and then we laugh 'till we cry
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
you feel your dreams are dying
Hold tight

You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget we only get what we give
[I'm comin' home baby]
[You're tops, give it to me now]

Four a.m. we ran a miracle mile
We're flat broke
But hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find a friend
You feel your tree is breaking
Just bend

You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way I'm right behind
Now say you're mine

You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
Don't let go
I feel the music in you
Fly high
What's real can't die
We only get what we give
You're gonna get what you give
Just dont be afraid to live

Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in