frightened little boy

"You're just a frightened little girl in a teenager's body."
I quote from Terence's blog.
Absolutely right. We're all like that in some way or another.It's something which endured from childhood, perhaps slightly more circumspect, but all there. It's make-believe. Honestly deep down inside I'm just a frightened little kid too, and honestly I believe that nobody (my age at least) is fundamentally any different. Sure, we run around and do our studies and go for competitions and projects and war games and pretend that we're all grown up and we're all under control but it really is a facade for somebody who is pretty much as clueless as the next guy about what on earth is going on. And having a higher IQ or being taller or stronger or faster or having more pubic hair isn't really going to change the fact.

Why am I bitching about this? I do all that stuff too. I debate, I do my studies, my projects, go for all sorts of ridiculous competitions, I play in my ensemble, and basically pretend that i'm really important sometimes. Maybe I play too much make-believe as well. In fact I'm pretty sure I do. I'm just tired of people who think that they're anything more than anybody else because they're smarter or know more or whatever. It's fucking stupid.

I wonder where the line is drawn. It must be a thin one or somebody would have noticed it. Where do you stop being a frightened little kid and grow up and learn to be in control of what or who you are? Maybe the whole notion of 'grown-up' doesn't really exist after all... people grow old, they learn more and know more and get better at what they do - but do they ever cross the line to being 'grown-up'? I don't know, but i'm certain some people think they have.

Go ahead and make-believe. It's what's required of you - But don't get any illusions that make-believe is any more than it is. Just because ten thousand other people buy into it doesn't mean it's any more real. You're just a frightened little kid too - I know I am.

- Adam