I've had a horrible week. Like most horrible weeks it took many little horrible things to make.
The first horrible thing was coming to terms with studying. I'm still in a transition state, my fingertips still itch a bit where I press the strings, but I'm doing alright. I heard Wynton Marsalis play a minor blues somewhere, and I nearly lost it right then. I needed to figure that line out, but oh well. Mixture of laziness and despair.

I bought a file, and I put all of my things in it. It's grey.

The second horrible thing was jazz club, and everything that goes with it. I'm losing control already (which kind of shows how much of a control freak I am) , can't deal with anyone, not sure where we're heading or what we should be doing. Just really low on self-confidence. At least I hope some of the j1s will stick around. First prac was a nightmare (not because it was bad, but because I didn't know what was going on).

The third thing is church. I've stopped going for youth meetings on sunday, though I still go for mass. What's the point. I don't believe in half the things you all believe in. You're wonderful people but I feel like a hypocrite standing there. Please go ahead anyway.

So, angst, depression. Whatever. I still rate very highly on the happiness and satisfaction scale (see blogthings), which may prove that i'm a bit of a masochist. At least i'm not bored.

And there's still stuff to do. I vow to live forever by never having enough time to lie down somewhere and die.



adam