New Years

I don't want to do this, really I don't... but i guess come end of the year you really have to sit down with yourself and take stock.

Who am I kidding. It's 3.50 am, I'm remarkably sober and i'm bored.

2007 was awesome in many ways. (Rayner I don't know how you did this in chapters)

Jazz club has been one of the most fulfilling things i've ever done. I guess there's little of the warm fuzzy feeling in retrospect; we weren't that sort of people, and we weren't out to do great romantic things. We learned, we gigged, and we dealt in our own way with the harsh reality that musicians are the most bumfucked people on the planet. I guess that's what counts - I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

For the most part, I developed a little bit of 'musical maturity' this year i.e. sharpened my prejudices and finally figured out what i like. Learning jazz has taught me how to learn - I had to pick that up again after so many years of being spoon fed. I'm glad for it, even if I do grow up to be completely worthless. Jazz itself is a wonderful metaphor for life - you take each moment as it is; letting go of the past and heedless of the future. We need more of that. I need more of that.

This year has also been about people. I love people (even if I never ever let this fact on). Doing stuff has brought me near to so many interesting characters I couldn't possibly list them all down.

Sophie : I don't know what to say. You bewilder me. Whatever happens, it's been wonderful. You've forced me to grow up, in some ways. In other ways I'll probably be around 5 years old for the rest of my life, and you'll have to live with those. I've never met someone so... heedless and immediate. I need that. I also wonder what on earth you see in me.

Rayner : I guess I keep you around so i seem intelligent by comparison. I also don't think i really need to type much here. I respect you much more than I let on. Keep smiling, cos life's a laugh and death's a joke.

The Manly Men : T, Xun, D, Wang. It's time for Wangernum! No lol. Despite the fact that you only act macho because you're secretly insecure about the size of your genitals, i love you guys. Thanks for keeping me from sinking into the depths of antisocialness. T:I know you hate to hear me whine and bitch. Thanks for doing it anyway. Xun: Your advice is useless, but i take it anyway because i know that what you really want me to do is do something instead of sitting around and worrying like I usually do. D: Thanks for being around when I needed normal (read:geek) activity. Doing inane stuff is important when you're religiously avoiding deeper issues. Wang: Despite what i say sometimes, you are actually a funny guy, and even funnier when i'm slightly drunk.

Jazz cats : I can't believe I just typed that. So fucking gay. Hyqel, Xiumin, Clara, Kelly, Vivek, Boyle, Huang. Mark and Debbo too, and the juniors. No mushy feelings here. We had loads of fun , partly because we are all so unbelievably inept, but also because we were willing to try something new, even if it meant we inevitably got sexually harrassed by drunk people because we could only pull seedy gigs. I can respect that. Don't ever stop.

07S03N: I got lucky when I was dropped into this class. I have not been able to say that for 6 years. These people are so amazing and vibrant and full of laughter and life, it'll almost be a pity when half of them grow up to be mediocre middle-class white collar workers. I guess you can't have it forever. I'm glad I knew you when you did.

Church: I'm sorry for drifting. So much has happened and I've realised so much about myself that a huge chunk of my faith suddenly no longer applies. I never had anything against any of you, so keep up what you do and never give up.

That's all i can think of for now. More later maybe. Or never.

adam

My last word for 2007: A quote from monty python.

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.