SITUATIONS (see a couple of posts down)

Man: Hey, did you just kick me in the shins?

Me: No, but I fucked your girlfriend.

ba-dum PISH!

adam

Blondie - Sunday Girl

Quite possibly the most beautiful song ever written. Sexy, and aggressively shallow, the melody charms your heart while the churning intellectual steam-train of Pop grabs your brain by the vulnerable bits and gives it a good shaking. 

Sonic Youth - Free City Rhymes

This is the poncier, snobbier side of intellectualism, and Sonic Youth treads thin ice here, but what glorious ice it is! Thurston Moore's sonic New York-flavoured mishmash is ethereally beautiful, and the almost melody brings home the ghostly heart of his beloved city. 

Rilo Kiley - Silver Lining

I love this song. Rilo Kiley hearkens back to Blondie not in sound but in aggressively poppish material which is anything but ashamed to be catchy. The kicker is Jenny Lewis's songwriting which is several layers deep and pretty no matter how you look at it. "I was your silver lining/but now I'm gold" Eat your heart out, Lit majors. 

Beastie Boys - B-Boys makin' with the freak freak

Not particularly chosen for the quality of the rap, which I'm admittedly clueless about. But these boys were like the Sonic Youth of rap. Rap historians may forget that they played some motherfuckin' funk that hails Funkadelic itself in invention and sheer joyous sonic fuckery. They pull out all the stops: double-bass, tape loops, scratching, sound clips. 

Arcade Fire - Intervention

After the Sensitive Jerks with Acoustic Guitars (Jason Mraz - guilty) and the Touchy Feely Pop Bands (coldplay) and the Annoying Pseudo Religious Harcdore Bands (Avenged Sevenfold, shittiest band quite possibly in the history of music ever), Win and gang bringing back the Excess into rock and roll is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. They did this one on the biggest church organ in england. No poncy classical/jazz pretentions here. The organ gets straight to the 1-6-4-5, blasting out the chords like some demented church organist, except the gospel here is Rock and Win Butler is the preacher. Workin' for the church while your family dies, indeed. 

Velvet Underground - After Hours

This one's been covered by everyone from Rilo Kiley to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and that's because we all love it. Moe Tucker singing? Yes. Moe Tucker singing out of tune? Fuck yes. Nobody makes it charming like she does. The simplicity of the lyrics belies the depth and detail of feeling displayed here - 'If you close the door, I'll never have to see the day again' tells of desperation, denial, naivete, and child-like faith, without once losing a tight grip on making sense. The melody is heartbreaking. I think a fitting song for the end of this year.

adam

Amidst Rilo Kiley's happy sunshine (but oddly intelligent) pop album, I discover a song about (guess what) blowjobs. Is this some ritual bands use to proclaim their Indie Cred? 

'I took a man to my room/I was smokin' him in bed/Yeah I was smokin in bed/That's what he said'

adam

There is nothing more joyous I can think of than the fact that we are all slowly dying like fires in a cold night. Burn on, my brothers - Merry Christmas.

adam

IN THE NEWS: SARAH PALIN EATEN BY MOOSE

In an unfortunate series of accidents, ex-vice-presidential Candidate Sarah Palin was eaten by a moose last Saturday. The Governer Palin was taking a bath in melted Swiss Cheese, which she claimed 'makes my complexion so silky, you betcha!' when her bathroom wall collapsed from the impact of an enraged and cheese-starved moose.

The moose in question seemed sheepish when interviewed and claimed it was 'all a huge misunderstanding'. Mooses are common in Alaska and normally eat moss, but biologists and ethologists on the case are perplexed by what noted boffin Richard Dawkins has called a 'sudden predilection for cheese and stupidity'. 

adam

IN THE NEWS: Obama's pastor bashes Klingons

The Rev. Jeremiah Wright has appeared in a video on Youtube with a fiery indiction of Klingons, who he claims were 'cast out by God' sometime around the second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. 'Klingons do not go to heaven, the Bible clearly states this,' he said. 

 

If there was a phrase which could sum up the human condition in all its variety, it would be 'OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK'

adam

Not a worship song

Jesus, help me find my proper place 

Jesus, help me find my proper place

Help me in my weakness cos I'm falling out of grace

Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, help me find my proper place

Jesus, help me find my proper place

Help me in my weakness cos I'm falling out of grace

Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, help me find my proper place

Jesus, help me find my proper place

Help me in my weakness cos I'm falling out of grace

Jesus, Jesus

by The Velvet Underground

Maybe it's the little atheist in me but my first reaction to this song on their thoroughly wonderful album The Velvet Underground was 'This can't be a worship song.' I mean, nobody in the 60s had even heard of Jesus right? Wrong, as it turns out, there were some seriously creepy Jesus-freaks even back then. But part of me refuses to believe the great band would write a song so transparently. I think it's more about a personal sense of desperation and self-loathing than, well, Jesus, but I guess the Christians will disagree. 

adam

Sunday Girl by Blondie

I know a girl from a lonely street,
cold as ice cream, but still as sweet.
Dry your eyes, sunday girl.
Hey, I saw your guy with a different girl.
Looks like he's in another world.
Run and hide, sunday girl.

Hurry up, hurry up and wait.
I stay away all week and still I wait.
I got the blues.
Please come see,
what your lovin means to me.

She can't catch up with the working crowd.
The weekend mood and she's feeling proud.
Live in dreams, sunday girl.
"Baby, I would like to go out tonight".
"If I go with you my folks will get uptight".
Stay at home, sunday girl. (oooooh...)

Hey, I saw your guy with a different girl.
Looks like he's in another world.
Run and hide, sunday girl.
When, I saw you again in the summer time,
if your love was as sweet as mine,
I could be sunday's girl.

Hurry up, hurry up and wait.
I stay away all week and still I wait.
I got the blues.
Please come see,
what your lovin means to me.
Hurry up!
Hurry up, hurry up and wait.
I got the blues, please, please..
Please come see,
what you do to me.
I got the blues..

Hurry up!
Hurry up, hurry up and wait.
Hurry up!
Please come see,
what you do to me.

I've thought of something brilliant : instead of actually having a cool life which I'm sadly unable to do, I shall think up cool situations to be in and put them up here so I can live them vicariously through everyone else's imagination!

Scene 1: Some half assed lame indie kid hits me up on msn by asking me if 'besando chicando con Surfer Rosa' is a reference to the famous Pixies album. I have a good laugh for a good 90 minutes after that. 

adam

EDIT: I and I no come to fight flesh and blood, but spiritual wickedness in high and low places. So while they fight you down, stand firm and give Jah thanks and praises!

EDIT: Am reading Richard Dawkins's 'The Selfish Gene' which to my unscientific mind is thoroughly brilliant and if not actually brilliant is at least a fucking good read.

It's a depressing thought to realise that when you come back from army on the weekend or on leave, most of the world just doesn't have time for you.