all the things that made me happy today

1. 'Oh My Love' (John Lennon) in the car on the way to camp.

2. The receptionist's face at NUH when I told her my trooper was crazy and needed a brain scan.

3. The really pretty malay girl in the full-length kebaya on the mrt.

4. The really cute (and REALLY underaged. fml) girl on the bus. It is NOT pervy to appreciate a thing of beauty.

5. Finding zul's guitar in the mess during my COS duty.

6. Singing really loudly in the office.

7. Singing 'Blowin' in the Wind' to the empty battalion square in the middle of the night.

8. The conversation with Nick.

9. Talking to Bo.

wind down, buckle down, sit down, stay down, get down, feeling down, going down, fell down, look down, throw down.

In other news, it hasn't been a good week but it is looking up!

:D

More times than I know I've wished for the end of the day and the sunset and the moon and the quiet and it's not weakness, this - it's not anxiety. I just need to be alone for awhile and not let my feelings get the better of me.

It's not a punk that said it, it's not a poet, not a working man or upper-class like a prize poodle with my hair done up. Just trying to be myself, people talk like it's so easy, like you just let go of all the layers and there You Are. I tried that once and I disappeared.

Maybe I don't exist. That would be a conundrum.

Conundrum. Hmm. That would be problematic. For instance, who's writing this?

And - I wish I were Joni Mitchell, but for reasons of physics it seems that I'm not. That's a bummer but I'll live... I guess.

adam

agitation

mental static is parsed as punctuation by the word processor

. - ! ?

( . , , !)

and now that I've pressed the 'zen' button on the neural interface things seem a lot cleaner. If only they found a more comfortable way, cos everytime I turn my head to look at the door the 3.5 on my left temple threatens to fall out. And we all know what happens when that happens.

So the update today. Still waiting for army to finish, though that isn't a surprise, it is getting unbearable though, all these things I could be doing yet I need to sit around in the office and answer calls. I could be getting drunk! I could be playing! And the world will not spin backward, not for me.

I have made a commitment, and if there's one thing history has taught us it's that commitment is the instrument of suffering. (Or is suffering the instrument of commitment? Chicken and egg...) but seeing that woman was made before man, I'd say suffering came first. For the next few months I'll make a living as a musician, until I go to uni. I owe this much to myself.

brb. Jacking out.

Smiles!?

This is one of those posts in which I admit my utter despair at ever knowing anything at all about music.

1. Miles Smiles

I returned to the album after the almost two-year hiatus from any jazz that needed brainwork and found it almost as confounding as I did then. The liner note essayist (who's definitely on somebody's payroll) seems to think it was the jazz album of the 1960s, well poo on that. I don't understand it at all. The only reason I can think Miles would inexplicably be smiling is that he just shafted the remaining few of his loyal listeners (no left hand for herbie!) and just when you hear the familiar progression of the blues on the last track 'Gingerbread Boy' he pulls an awful stunt where he gets Ron Carter to make funny noises on his double bass for four additional bars, just to screw over those of you who dared to hope they could follow a 12 bar blues.

No, I'm sure it's great but what gives !? Why did he have to take away Herbie's left hand? Back on E.S.P. it was the tenuous thread connecting the band into a harmonic structure and without it it's just noise and strings. Maybe I'll get it someday.

2. Leonard Cohen

is some kind of awesome

but what kind I don't think I'll ever know.

adam