Wow. Not only am I not a musician or a writer... I'm barely even a person. Maybe I needed to realise that before I could get over being a teenager. It feels good, somehow. I don't want to have to be anything anymore.

adam

Hide and Seek

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to fall
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (oh, you won't catch me around here)
blood and tears (hearts)
they were here first

Mm whatcha say?
Mm that you only meant well?
well of course you did
Mm whatcha say?
Mm that its all for the best?
of course it is
Mm whatcha say?
Mm that it's just what we need,
you decided this?
Mm what did she say?

ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
sick-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit,
you don't care a bit

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This song has been guilt tripping me for a whole week. Fuck you, Imogen Heap.

adam

Coltrane plays ballads

Not an album review this time - just some thoughts on balladry.

Coltrane's playing has long been revered for his speed and (more importantly, I think) ability to weld strings of hyper-fast notes into shockingly coherent, thematically layered melodies. This is beyond doubt and still amazes me every time I listen to 'Giant Steps' or his work with Miles.

I think another, less looked at (I shall not say overlooked because every aspect of his playing has been analysed and debated countless times) aspect of Coltrane's playing is his way with ballads. I find his approach to the slower songs one of the most compelling in the history of jazz music. Never letting his tone become mushy or sentimental, he still manages to be terrifically romantic by stating the melody emphatically. His directness is refreshing, and the strength (I use this word advisedly - the only way I can think to describe his approach is 'strong') of his tone reminds us that 'romanticism' contains both sentimentality and power, and cannot do without either - without power, it is wheedling and mushy (as Kenny G proves) and without sentimentality it is callous and rude (i'm looking at you, Mr. Weckl.)

I think Coltrane understood what it means to be romantic. I don't think anyone will be able to play a ballad convincingly without this kind of understanding.

adam

edit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tjlz3DYmTw

Here's a video of the Coltrane quartet playing 'Everytime We Say Goodbye'.

Am experiencing an interminable, unconnected sadness.

I've finished my 8 week Lindy Hop course. It was immensely fun. I'll probably be signing up for the next one but not just yet - have to get BMT out of the way. That doesn't stop me from going social dancing every thursday though. I just hope I'm not boring the hell out of the poor people I dance with. Ah well - be a swing slut, is what they told me. Dance with everyone regardless of how noob you feel. I shall.

adam

about life

I tell a lie every time I'm at a family gathering - when concerned uncles and aunties ask me 'so what course are you going to do in uni' I invariably say that I don't know. Well, okay. It's half true. I'm not sure - but then, who is?

The way I see it a uni course should be something you choose based on what you think you might be able to do professionally - an interest. For whatever reasons. I have never felt that way about law, or medicine (my parents desperately want me to do one of those). Maybe it's because I haven't been exposed enough to the profession - no, scratch that. Three medical attachments so far. Unconvinced. As for law, things are still fuzzy which is why i'm open to it, but again it doesn't look promising. If for 6 years immersed in the swath of free information that is the internet I haven't yet developed any kindling of curiosity I doubt any will be forthcoming soon.

So that leaves me in a bind. I DO know what I would like to do in uni. I'm not sure, nor am I convinced that it'll be a lifetime commitment, but I AM curious. I wish I could study literature, or music. I am curious about computer programming, social sciences, and psychology. That stuff fascinates me. Medicine doesn't.

adam

I'll be enlisting in about 3 weeks. Not exactly apprehensive; I want to get it over and done with. I will miss freedom though. With enough luck it will return when I'm posted to MDC; otherwise it's hell for 2 years. Make it a point, if that happens, to practice the harmonica loudly in the office and drive my colleagues mad.

I find myself wondering about the people who've gone overseas or are now in camp or in uni or working at some odd little job somewhere. I feel so disconnected: I've never been able to talk to people for a long time about life. Teri mentioned that once - when it comes to 'talking cock' I sadly fail. And I miss some people badly who I never thought I'd miss.

At the same time I'm meeting more new people than I've ever met before (probably because I've been in school). I think it's wonderful to meet new people, but I'm also not very good at it. I always choke up at the right moments and make things really really awkward. Still, new friends are as good as old ones in some ways.

It feels strange, this sensation of moving on - both leaving people behind and finding new connections. I feel... transient? Like all of a sudden I'm unstable and if you blinked for too long I might vanish into thin air.

adam

Bizarro

This turn of events has amused me greatly. In a bizarre twist of fate, my face-shaving apparatus has mutated from a simple disposable two blade affair into an orange-and-grey amorphous monstrosity with not three, not four, but five blades when my mum bought me a new razor. The Onion mentioned this alarming phenomenon a few months ago, but I feel that the issue needs to be brought up by the grassroots blogging membership: is the value of the razor blade inflating?

Back when we were still beating out women over the head and dragging them to our caves a simple sharp rock seemed to suffice; a REAL cavemen wasn't scared of a little razor burn in a morning or a few cuts he could pass off as battle scars from the last pig hunt. Then midway into our current century, humanity having survived for almost a million years with a simple single razor wielded with skill and sheer macho, two men name Schick and Gilette had to go and derail the trend. I know this: I recently spent an afternoon watching a Discovery Channel documentary about shavers and the bitter turf war that resulted from the razor blade arms race, and while my social life lies in sad tatters around me I am also replete with the knowledge that said turf war is the reason that the average razor nowadays has two blades and compensates for the increasing number of metrosexual men by having a little lubricating strip.

MY razor though, is quite the museum piece: something Captain Kirk would be proud to find poking through the ruins of an Earth museum while making out with a hot alien chick and then subsequently bring back to his ship where it would cause an epidemic of shaving cuts and bleed half of the crew to death, seeing as how the federation would probably have outlawed shavers for some joo-joo laser shaving device that works on dodgy physics principles. (I'm looking at YOU, Mr. Replicator)

The point is : does five blades mean we are on the path to dome haircuts and pointy ears? Is civilisation as we know it at an end? Will Jesus save us?

Hell if I know. Every morning however, I pick up my razor and I wonder.

adam

I'm going to plan a big party before I leave for army. Probably day before I leave... no, scratch that, TWO days. That leaves one day to recover from the hangover. I feel like Clarissa Dalloway. Everyone will be invited - even people who aren't invited will probably be invited. There will be drinks.

adam