Bizarro

This turn of events has amused me greatly. In a bizarre twist of fate, my face-shaving apparatus has mutated from a simple disposable two blade affair into an orange-and-grey amorphous monstrosity with not three, not four, but five blades when my mum bought me a new razor. The Onion mentioned this alarming phenomenon a few months ago, but I feel that the issue needs to be brought up by the grassroots blogging membership: is the value of the razor blade inflating?

Back when we were still beating out women over the head and dragging them to our caves a simple sharp rock seemed to suffice; a REAL cavemen wasn't scared of a little razor burn in a morning or a few cuts he could pass off as battle scars from the last pig hunt. Then midway into our current century, humanity having survived for almost a million years with a simple single razor wielded with skill and sheer macho, two men name Schick and Gilette had to go and derail the trend. I know this: I recently spent an afternoon watching a Discovery Channel documentary about shavers and the bitter turf war that resulted from the razor blade arms race, and while my social life lies in sad tatters around me I am also replete with the knowledge that said turf war is the reason that the average razor nowadays has two blades and compensates for the increasing number of metrosexual men by having a little lubricating strip.

MY razor though, is quite the museum piece: something Captain Kirk would be proud to find poking through the ruins of an Earth museum while making out with a hot alien chick and then subsequently bring back to his ship where it would cause an epidemic of shaving cuts and bleed half of the crew to death, seeing as how the federation would probably have outlawed shavers for some joo-joo laser shaving device that works on dodgy physics principles. (I'm looking at YOU, Mr. Replicator)

The point is : does five blades mean we are on the path to dome haircuts and pointy ears? Is civilisation as we know it at an end? Will Jesus save us?

Hell if I know. Every morning however, I pick up my razor and I wonder.

adam